How to Handle a Toxic Manager

In our last blog, we discussed toxic workplaces, but toxic cultures are created by those in them. Those most notorious for spreading toxicity are often said to be line managers. We now shine some light on the role of managers in creating a negative experience for their teams and those who they’re interacting with. 

Toxic managers seem to be taboo, with very few being comfortable labelling their seniors in this light. Others feel that the bullying they’re subjected to is excusable due to the tremendous pressure that their managers are under. However, the reality is many managers subject their teams to bullying with an aim to control, feel powerful and feed off of two things; emotional reaction and attention. Unfortunately, the saddening reality of toxic managers is intimidation, hindrance, and therefore low performance and general fear amongst employees. 

LinkedIn identified that the most common reason people resign from their job is due to problems with their managers. Additionally, nearly 40% of people targeted by a bully experience stress-related health problems including debilitating anxiety, panic attacks, and clinical depression (39%). 

What does a toxic manager look like?

A toxic manager is one of which who takes away your rights as an employee and bullies. A survey in 2017 by the Workplace Bullying Institute defined this sort of workplace emotional abuse as the “repeated mistreatment of an employee by one or more employees or boss; abusive conduct that is: threatening, humiliating, or intimidating, work sabotage, or verbal abuse." 

Although it can be a disheartening dynamic to find yourself in, there are many strategies that can be deployed to deescalate the situation and take a stand:

1. Keep your focal point on the job

A bully is unlikely to change their behavior, so your first option is to work to change yours. Instead of focusing on the manager who is trying to intimidate you, focus only on the details and tasks, and responsibilities of your role. By focussing on what is expected of you and aiming to fulfill those expectations, you are empowering yourself by showing you are competent. The more emotional power you give your toxic manager, the more your manager will focus on you as a target. 

2. Understand it’s not personal.

A toxic manager who is a bully is likely to have their own issues which are driving their behaviour. At his/her core this could be insecurity, Jealousy, or even their own health issues such as stress and anxiety. Recognise this can help you feel less victimised and targeted by understanding that it may not be personal and if it is, give you the strength and ability to take the higher road.

Some common tactic used by toxic managers is to manipulate their demand-arsenal and therefore make it difficult to meet their expectations or correctly follow their direction. It is a good practice to take detailed notes with times, dates, and details of conversations you have had with your manager. This helps you stay on task and also keep a written record of everything in the instance that there is an HR case or investigation. You will have evidence of what was said and requested, when and on what date if your manager makes an attempt to gaslight you on what you think you’re supposed to be doing. Keeping this log available helps you stay grounded in the facts.

These notes also keep your manager accountable for their words and behaviour; they may fear that you may report them to HR. Taking notes allows you to stay organised and to keep your manager honouring their responsibilities as well as safeguarding yourself.

3. Set verbal limits and boundaries.

Analyse how your line manager treats you from an objective place. As previously mentioned, make a list of the facts and chronological events. Resist the temptation to get into arguments or debates with them, rather keep your conversations to a minimum but professional. When having one-to-ones with your manager, ask a trusted third party to be present and also take their notes so that nothing can be disputed.

If you feel intimidated by them, particularly physically, it is imperative that you communicate to your manager must no longer tolerate any form of intimidation or verbal abuse. It is also to make your HR manager aware of this as soon as possible.  When speaking to your manager, it’s useful to clearly set out the facts on your list in relation to how you are being treated. If your manager argues or starts acting out, leave the conversation and escalate to HR and to the senior above your manager. Calmly tell your manager that since he/she is unable to communicate respectfully, you can no longer continue the conversation and will be addressing your concerns elsewhere.

If you would like to speak to an external HR professional or consultant concerning your manager, email us.